November

I couldn't be happier now that December has finally come along. After all, it can only mean one thing (no, not Christmas) - the new year is coming...and a clean start. Again.

Although this year has been very successful, personally. Mentally, I haven't felt to be in the right place at all. It's taken me the entire year to realise I need to do something about it. November was a simply awful month:

#1. I broke up with my girlfriend. Although we were not together very long, we saw a lot of one another. She was a charming girl - very sweet when we were together, but a completely different person when apart. There was very little sensitivity and quite often I couldn't help but feel those usual 'where on earth do I stand?!' thoughts. As individuals, I appreciate everyone is different...but in my opinion, I think it is nice if a man holds open a door for a woman, or gives up his seat for her on the tube. I feel VERY awkward if I am sitting down and a woman is stood up uncomfortably infront of me. It makes ME feel uncomfortable that SHE is uncomfortable. Oh dear, it's awful to explain without potentially being branded as 'sexist' by people, but I hope you understand what I mean. I do it because I think it is the right thing to do...and because it is quite simply NICE. Anyway, she absolutely HATED IT if I held open a door, helped with her jacket or if I made virtually ANY 'gentlemanly' gestures. But still, because I really liked her and felt compromise was important, I decided to try to be a bit more conscious of her feelings towards this...and I had a great degree of flexibility towards her. I won't go into a 'blow by blow' account, but I feel it is just a shame that she was unable to compromise for me on some things as I was for her because I really thought we were 'worth it'. Since the breakup all I have been doing is questioning myself as to WHY we actually broke up and whether it was because of ME. I've been blaming myself. I asked many people whether they feel that compromise is important in a relationship...and do you know what? Everyone said it IS. Even now I find it hard to understand why there was so little flexibility from her - just nothing. I really thought she liked me, but in the end here I am, remembering 'what was said' to me - the nice words...and what actually was 'to be' in the end. Yet again I have felt pretty messed around. Since the breakup, I have been moving on and have finally joined a proper running club. Running simply isn't meant for ONE, you see. I have met some nice people nevertheless - most of whom are in a similar age group to me.

Second blow. One week ago, I received news that my cat (and best friend, really) was run over by a car. To say it has broken my heart is an understatement. Not a day has gone by when I haven't thought to myself in utter disbelief "'Thomas' won't be with us this Christmas in our new house". Now I know there are many people who will probably coldly exclaim "it's only a CAT!" and would probably wince and sigh whilst reading this (if they bother), but Thomas was the most affectionate, beautiful and kind creature I have ever had the pleasure to have. I always thought dogs were a 'man's best friend', but little did I know how wonderful cats are too. They really show their feelings. They purr when they are happy, wrap themselves around you if they want attention, swipe you if they want you to stop...and even try to nibble you when they're feeling a little cheeky/playful. So special. I was never fed up with giving him love and attention. He was a joy to have in the family...and the bond he developed with our dogs..............even 'Gemma' still looks for him. She and him would always be nose to nose in the garden...or in the doorway as we let Thomas back in the house. It was so cute. Things will never be the same...

Ever since I moved to London for the duration of my Groundschool, Mum has told me that Thomas would wait beside my bed in the evenings......he missed me. I cannot come to terms with this.

Third blow; Exam results. Let's not go there. I need to get through this course and cannot afford to 'stall' any longer. My state of mind isn't helping me get through the days very easily though, currently. The fact that I am writing this at 0311hrs, speaks volumes. I'll let you come to a conclusion as to 'why'. We have started 'Phase B' now and it is 100x harder than 'A'! Subjects are as follows:

- General Navigation
- Radio Navigation
- Instrumentation
- Air Law & ATC Procedures
- Communications


Tough stuff...


Roll on New Years Eve. I'll be driving down to North Devon on the 28th and I simply cannot wait! I need a decent break and I can't wait to have some fun :). I'll try and get some airtime in too this Christmas holiday if I can. I haven't flown since this course started and have major withdrawal symptoms!


Apologies if my way of writing is awful in this post. As I'm sure you can gather, at the time of writing it is 0320hrs...and I should try to get some sleep. Again...

I think everyone should listen to this beautiful song. Lana Del Rey has a wonderful, unique voice and this is her new song...